New safety device for Formula One

Formula One team bosses are meeting at London's Heathrow Airport to discuss the proposal of fitting full body-surrounding bumpers to all cars from the Malaysian Grand Prix onwards.

Adrian Newey and Bernie Ecclestone discussing the new bumper cars

Photo by: xpb.cc

They are expected to all meet at the WHSmiths newsagents store in Terminal 5 before heading off to Starbucks for a coffee and croissant or two. The suggestion has come to light in response to the crashes that resulted in last week's Australian GP being found guilty of providing momentary entertainment.

After a visit to the Blackpool Pleasure Beach (a poor mans version of Las Vegas and Disneyland here in the UK) during the off season, Adrian Newey, famed Red Bull designer, studied the 'bumper cars' he saw competing around the popular tourist attraction and was intrigued by the benefits of fitting a similar safety feature onto a contemporary F1 car.

Adopting the body-wrapping rubber sculpted design, Newey has proposed that drivers can now forget the 'one-move' rule when overtaking and focus instead on smashing into each other to see who has the strongest car.

"Driving' standards are of a poor enough standard in 'tut’ sport anyways and ee by gum I thinks that by fittin' these thingymagigggs, Formula One is gonna be a right sport to watch on tut television," one luminary from the Pleasure Beach declared in his northern tones.

Rumour has it that in anticipation on the monsoons as witnessed during the 2009 Malaysian GP, drivers are to be fitted with mini wipers for their visors to help disperse the rain water should it arrive via mother nature and not Bernie's sprinklers...

Word just in too that Ron Dennis has, after many years searching, found his sense of humour and is poised to appear under the watchful guise of popular comic Michael McIntyre at the London Apollo theatre as a stand up comedian...