Ten worthless opinions: 2014 month of May edition

Living in central Indiana offers very few perks most of the time. There’s corn and soybeans. And humidity and mosquitoes. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention our provincial outlook on politics and life.

And, uh…well, I’m sure there are many other features of Midwestern life that I’m missing, but you get the picture. As the monochromatic landscape of winter gives way to the burst of color that is springtime in Indiana, we suddenly have the month of May and the Indianapolis 500. In other words, central Indiana does have at least one truly redeeming characteristic.

I would like once again to offer my ill-conceived and poorly rendered “Ten worthless opinions: 2014 month of May edition” to identify some of the perks of this year’s race.

1. IMS finally fixed the road course to make it racy for IndyCars. We are not being relegated to a support series show with just the USF2000, Pro Mazda, and Indy Lights. You want on track action? All three support series will race on Friday, May 10 and Saturday, May 11 followed by the Verizon IndyCar Series on Saturday afternoon. There are cars on track both days with seven total races. It may not quite be the Field of Dreams mantra, but they built it, so they will race. That’s the idea, right?

2. The return of former Indy champions Juan Pablo Montoya and Jacques Villeneuve and the addition of Kurt Busch is so combustible that you just know it’s going up sometime in May. Best case scenario: all three get in an altercation and start swearing at each other in different languages. I assume that hand gestures will fill in any missing context. Make this happen, racing gods!

3. The IMS Radio Network, after years of foisting Mike King on the listening public, finally bowed to public opinion and threw a bone to the die-hard fans by bringing back Paul Page as the voice of the Indianapolis 500 and the Verizon IndyCar Series. Does his voice still resonate with older IndyCar fans? Absolutely. Do younger fans care? Not at all. They do not listen to the race on the radio. They either go or watch it on television. Game changer? Nope. Nostalgia? Yep. And that’s good enough.

4. Enough cannot be said about the value of ABC covering the month of May from the Grand Prix of Indianapolis to qualifications to the Indianpolis 500. The series, as well as the 500, has lacked any traction nationally for a long time. Should IMS bow and scrape to the TV gods to create buzz for the race and the series by adding races and butchering the traditional qualifying program The NFL, NCAA, and NASCAR do it all the time because it is good for their properties. This is good business. The race is the tradition, nothing else.

5. How about that change in the qualifying procedures, huh? The die-hard fan screams, “It ruins the month of May!” The casual fan says, “There’s a qualifying procedure?” They still go four laps. I can’t say I’m enamored of the extra day to set position. The fact is qualifying at Indy is a dangerous proposition and everyone knows it. I don’t mind a change in the qualifying procedures; I do mind a change that creates unnecessary risk. This change, made exclusively for television, creates unnecessary risk. Unfortunately, risk equals interest. And that’s your answer.

6. The 500 will be the first real test of new series sponsor Verizon. They are a telecommunications company that wants to be known as a technology company. Here’s some advice: make my Verizon phone work at the race. Don’t upcharge me to make my mobile communications device do what it is supposed to do. I want to text, tweet, update Facebook, and utilize the Verizon IndyCar app during the race. You’re on the clock Verizon. Signage and other activations are vital to the business, I know, but make my phone work, please.

7. Huge ups to IMS for taking risks and making big changes to almost everything. They rebuilt the road course, changed qualifying, hired new people, restructured management, added new races, scheduled a big concert, hired a new food service, and offered glamping inside the track. I’m sure I missed something. IndyCar fans have long shouted for IMS management to fix everything but change nothing. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think it works that way.

8. Pork tenderloins become a big topic in Indy in May. Indianapolis is stuffed with tenderloin joints that all have their own take on this pounded, breaded, and deep fried delight. If you plan on coming to town in May, give me a shout on Twitter (@newtrackrecord) and I will hook you up with this Midwestern delicacy. And yes, it is a direct descendent of the schnitzel brought to the Midwest by German immigrants. You can find a pretty good one at IMS. It’s not fresh cut, pounded, and breaded on site, but it still does the job. I’m not such a snob that I won’t eat a frozen fritter.

9. One common complaint heard from the casual fan is that there is nothing to do in Indy over Memorial Day weekend except the race. Granted, much of what happens socially is directed to the local populace, but I think the weekend is pretty packed. From Carb Day on Friday until the race on Sunday, you can drink, run a half marathon, drink, watch cars, drink, eat tenderloins, drink, watch the parade (it’s exceptional), visit Indy’s thriving brewing scene, watch live music, and drink. Some of Indy’s best nightlife can be found in Broad Ripple, on Mass Ave., and in Fountain Square. Hey, IMS can’t plan your whole weekend for you. Do a little homework.

10. Apparently, there’s this soiree on Sunday, May 25 that’s been around for a while. There are bands, princesses, celebrities, military personnel, balloons, iconic songs, prayers, and someone says something about engines. And then they race cars. Sounds like an outstanding time.