Spanish GP: Red Bull Friday report

F1's European season means the return of The Motorhome. Sparing a thought for those who toil within those walls, we imagined what it would be like... IF F1 WAS RULED BY... THE MOTORHOMERS 1. The team would be forbidden from: a) regarding the ...

F1's European season means the return of The Motorhome. Sparing a thought for those who toil within those walls, we imagined what it would be like...

IF F1 WAS RULED BY... THE MOTORHOMERS

1. The team would be forbidden from: a) regarding the motorhome as a hotel/spa and b) regarding the catering staff as their personal chef.
2. There would a strict limit on the number of times a sponsor guest could remark on 'how cute you look in your little uniform'.
3. The advanced educational levels of most motorhomers would be posted at the door. It's soooo tedious listening to some drooling team member confess undying love in broken English when you speak seven languages, are studying for a PhD in astrophysics and are only doing this as a gap year because your very rich parents think you should 'see the world'.
4. Breakfast will not be served. Neither will dinner. You might get lunch, but only if you can read the sign 'By Team Invitation Only' and you actually have one of those.
5. Motorhomes would be off limits to all but essential personnel, meaning anyone who is not a member of the international press corps.
6. Comfortable team shoes, for God's sake, comfortable shoes!
7. Guests can have tea OR coffee. That's it right? Forget your skinny macchi-whatevers or your Lady Grey tea strained through purest muslin.
8. The whole team would eat at one sitting. At 1pm. That does not mean 1pm to 2pm to 3pmish maybe...
9. All sponsor dinners would end strictly at 7pm. We have lives too. In fact, we've checked and there are 6,243 restaurants in this city, so why don't you go to one of those instead...
10. Every VIP guest must have a name tag. We're not bloody mind readers!

Car 5 SEBASTIAN VETTEL
1st Practice P5, 2nd Practice P1

"We've got a few changes on our car, but I don't think anything as significant as perhaps some of the other teams have. There's a little bit everywhere on ours and I think we've proved today that our changes work. I think the lap times are irrelevant from a Friday. It's good to be fast, but I think the McLarens are quick here -- I don't think they were pushing hard this afternoon and I think it will be much closer tomorrow."

Car 6 MARK WEBBER
1st Practice P4, 2nd Practice P2

"That was a good day for us -- we had a smooth run, a nice P1 and P2 with no interruption from the weather or things like that. The guys worked faultlessly in the garage, the driver did a little bit as well and it was a good day. Don't read too much into the times; McLaren probably weren't showing everything today. It was a very late night for the team last night, but a positive day today and hopefully we're well prepared for tomorrow."